Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes – Carlton Mellick III

4/5 stars

There’s this weird girl in school who always has spiders on her and doesn’t talk much, and Ethan is in love. He finally gets the courage to talk to her, and they go on their first date, but there’s a slight problem. Her face explodes!

Spiderweb’s bloodline has gifted her the dubious ability to explode whenever she gets too excited. Unfortunately for Ethan, this leads to some rather….interesting….situations as he navigates their life together. The one thing he’s absolutely sure of, though, is that she’s the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, and he’ll do anything to stay with her.

This was strangely adorable! Ethan was so unfazed about all the weird stuff that kept happening and the horrible situations that he ends up in. I love how devoted he was to Spiderweb despite her quirks; it’s really cute that he was willing to give up so much for her.

CM3 really has a gift for writing the absolute most ridiculous thing you can think of that completely sucks you in without you even noticing. I was drawn into this story right from the start and, thoroughly suspending my disbelief, I had a grand time with this book. I didn’t think anything would top “Cannibals of Candyland” but this one was so much fun to read!