Toasty Inside – Zoe Mona

1 star

**sigh** where to start….

When Griffin first saw Cynthia passed out in the snow, freezing to death, and absolutely refused to help her, I knew I was going to have a problem. When he then told his dog that “it” would be her problem and she’d need to take care of “it,” I knew without a doubt that this book wasn’t going to be for me.

Griffin comes across as a psychopath and not in a good dark romance kind of way. The way that he describes things and barely acknowledges that Cynthia is a human for most of the first part of the book did not endear him to me as a character at all. And the way he continues to treat her just isn’t good. I’m not really a fan of filthy pet names after just meeting someone, either.

I wasn’t a fan of Cynthia herself either. She acts like a child and really immature, so having any kind of relationship with a man, older or otherwise, felt extremely ick to me. It’s one thing if it was meant as a DD/LG scenario, absolutely no judgment from me here, but it wasn’t like that. Then she’s judging him for not wanting to immediately leave his solitary mountain home because she wants him to when she knows that he moved up there for very legitimate and traumatic reasons years ago……not a good look. It just reinforced how much of a child she came across as.

Some of the plot devices had me a little confused also. Griffin is a holiday adult toy maker, okay, but then he turns around and makes this full-size sleigh toy that also makes milk and cookies that are kept hot because of the friction of the machine? Number one, that sounds highly unsanitary, and number two, who has the room in their house for that or the funds to buy it? It’s not the most inconspicuous of toys, so unless I’m living in a McMansion (which means I’d have the money for this toy), it’s just not feasible for the average person. And this Christmas light BDSM toy….that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. Surely it plugs in somewhere to make it shock the person using it, so how are we preventing it from starting a fire, frying the person using it, etc.?

And also….where did he get fancy French escargot in a small mountain town in New Hampshire????

I don’t know… Maybe this was meant more as a parody, and I didn’t catch on, but I just couldn’t get on with this book.